Watched

‘Big windows and weird neighbours. Weirder the better.  If the bloke next door likes to dance a naked Paso Doble in his back garden whenever there’s a full moon, that’d be ideal.’  I noted the nonplussed expression on the estate agent’s face as he stood clutching his clipboard.  I continued, ‘If he could do it whilst quoting Shakespeare’s sonnets, even better.’

‘Right,’ the estate agent made a note. ‘Anything else?’

‘Yes, it’s essential that the woman at number 12 is having a kinky affair with the bloke at number 24 and clanks up the road with her whips and chains every time his wife goes to work.’ I watched as the estate agent’s clipboard slid from his hands and clattered onto the laminate floor.  Recovering himself, he picked it up, walked over to his desk and pulled a set of keys from a drawer.

‘I assume you must be a writer, Sir. Come with me.  We’ve the perfect place on our books.  More strange characters in the neighbourhood than you could fit into an epic novel.  I wonder if you’d be kind enough to give our agency a mention on the acknowledgements page please?’

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